July 22, 2013
August White, Kent Roudebush
Tiffany Thornton as Audrey
Nikki Leigh as Sheila
Anna Sophia Berglund as Erin
Masuimi Max as Mika
Alex Rose Wiesel as Darla
Charlie O’Connell as Baxter
What happens when an evil fashion designer, four otherworldly creatures and a handful of aspiring models get together? A weird, incoherent mess of things. Unlucky Charms is fun in that cheesy B-rated kind of way, but the story is awfully muddled and not even the picture’s eye candy can save the distortion.
This group of young attractive models are competing to be the spokesmodel for a new line of lingerie. What they don’t realize however, is that virtually everyone around them seeks something far more valuable, like, say, their souls. A slow battle ensues as the women are manipulated, and offed so that one greedy mogul can keep her age about her. Think the Dorian Gray effect, minus a nifty picture. As for the random little critters running around, well, they seem completely out of place, and it’s near impossible to brand these things protagonists or antagonists, although ultimately, their mission seems to favor the good side.
For a B-movie, this one is enjoyable. It’s an inexpensive production, littered with a handful of green performers, but there’s an odd sense of charm in that. About the only veteran player to show up is Charlie O’Connell, and he does little more than sit back, sunglasses on, smile and make passes at the girls. He’s a bit on the obnoxious side… but then again, just about everyone in the film is a little grating, and somehow it works, just a little. Don’t look for any amazing visuals, as you won’t get them, but you may enjoy a few shots in which undergarments are freely shed.
It’s fair to expect miserable dialogue from Unlucky Charms. Hell, if the film lacked the laughable dialogue it offers, there may be a major, major misfire. At least, as it is, we know exactly what we’re getting. We’re getting a silly Saturday night beer and popcorn movie. It’s not frightening, and it’s not hilarious, but it does carry some semblance of entertainment. As for the technical aspects of the film… well, let’s just say this wasn’t a meticulously assembled piece of film. Some of the cuts are off, there are a few missed cues and a few lines come off as slightly botched. The point of the flick was obviously to have a good time, not create a masterpiece of any measure.
I wouldn’t bank on Unlucky Charms finding any form of cult following. It’s decent enough to watch, but not terrible enough to love to watch it. Tiffany Thornton does a good job as the only decent human being in the ensemble, and it’s more than evident she’s our ideal survivor girl, but she’s at times overshadowed by the annoying presence of her cast-mates. That’s an obvious misfire, as audiences like to have at least one individual that stands for something. Someone to get behind and cheer for. While we may like Tiffany’s character, she just gets lost in the fold. She gets lost in the fold the same way that this story in general gets lost. For a film as senseless as Unlucky Charms, we should be able to view this on autopilot, without attempting to piece together a story that feels as though it was never properly assembled to begin with.
Wish there was more to give you on this one, but it’s all over the place. Choosing to watch Unlucky Charms rests on your shoulders. Just remember, I never claimed it was a magnificent picture, and I didn’t outright recommend you seek it out.