Travis Campbell, Derek Ressler, Lloyd Kaufman
Asta Paredes as: Chrissy
Catherine Corcoran as: Lauren
Vito Trigon as: Leonardo
Clay von Carlowitz as: Eugene
Mike Baez as: Donatello
Tara E. Miller as: Rachel Ruysch
The original Class of Nuke Em High told the story of a group of students mutated by the nuclear power plant that was next to Tromaville High School, causing them to run amuck and cause violent mayhem. Taking place in the present, Return to Nuke ‘ Em High Volume 1 tells us that there is no longer a power plant, but instead a food processing plant, Tromorganic Foodstuffs, Inc, is now in its place. That means that underneath it still runs the radioactive sludge and slime from the earlier buliding. This food company is providing the product that is currently served at Tromavilla High. As you would imagine nothing good can come of this.
We are introduced to various characters in the film, via hilarious subtiles, including our two female leads. One of them, Chrissy (Asta Paredes), is a tough but beautiful blogger that writes and posts online about the nuclear dangers she suspects the school is under and is sexually unsatisfied by her lame boyfriend who likes to talk in the third person. The other girl is the lovely and sweet, but rich, Lauren (Catherine Corcoran). She is very attached to her duck. No one in school likes her, because they see her as spoiled bitch. When she and Chrissy meet it would appear that they would clash, but we can tell deep down there is an attraction between the girls.
As previously said, nothing good comes from the food company, and on taco Tuesday a student eats a taco and melts into a glob of slime and gore. A little later on the wimpy and horribly untalented Glee club turns into mutant punks called Cretins and cause murder and mayhem of their own. Amongst their evil acts they rape Lauren with her now also mutated duck. Later on, at a party the radiation further spreads. While this is going on Lauren and Chrissy, who go together as a couple, have slimey, radioactive lesbian sex. The movie ends on a cliffhanger that sets up Volume 2.
Right off the bat, Return to Nuke ‘ Em High Volume 1 starts off with a scene that pretty much tells you what the hell it is that you are in for. In it, a hot girl and her boyfriend are having sex, when a disembodied, mutant penis thing gets involved. This leads to a money shot involving said mutant dick spraying blood all over the girl. Yeah, that about sums up this film. Wow! This all leads to what is the finest Troma film since their golden era of 80s movies like The Toxic Avenger and, of course, the preceding movie to this, Class of Nuke ‘Em High. That movie is actually my favorite movie made by Troma. So, this film had a lot to live up to for me, and boy did it ever deliver the goods!
Cowriter and director Lloyd Kaufman gives us a film that is bright and colorful with a very lively use of imagery. The movie just pops off of the screen and has a very fun feel. The visuals play well off with the over the top and raunchy attitude that the movie has. There is something to offend everyone and anyone here: political jokes, racial humor, fart jokes, drugs, teen cutting, handicap jokes, Obama care jokes, etc. But, all of this is just so over the top that it is utterly hilarious. In fact, I could never stop laughing and was quite literally laughing my ass off every second of it. Even when I thought to myself, “No this can’t keep being this funny”, I would be proven wrong by something utterly hilarious occurring. There were times when it was difficult to even catch a breath from laughing so hard.
The cast for Return to Nuke ‘ Em High Volume 1 is really great. First and foremost are our two lovely leads, Aste Paredes and Catherine Corcoran are both very sexy and likable. This being a Troma movie, they are also naked and, of course, also hot lesbians. Their relationship is cute and actually rather romantic, but there are also some very funny moments between them. There are, in turn, some admittedly hot moments between them. In fact, this film proves that lesbian sex makes everything hotter, even in if it is swapping slime.
Kaufman, himself, is quite awesome in the role of the owner of the food processing company. He has a great shtick that is straight out of Laurel and Hardy. Then there are the awesome cameos in this film. Lenny, from metal masters Motorhead plays the president of the United States. Judah Frielander, comedienne and “the world’s champion”, plays a guy who is about to get mugged; while he sees Lauren is running around with a duck stuck in her mouth. Yes, you read that last part right. And, Marvel Comics co-founder and co-creater Stan Lee narrates the hilarious opening scene.
Return to Nuke ‘ Em High Volume 1 is just gore galore! It hits an easy 10 on the splatter-meter. There are lots of meltdowns, bodies getting crushed, bodies being thrown, slicings, and other acts of mayhem. Throw in mutants, mutated giant penises, and lactating breasts, and you can see that this one just has an insane amount of over-the-top viscera and grossouts. All of this comes courtesy of some pretty cheesy makeup FX, but the cheesiness really adds to the aspect of the film a complementary matter, making that much more fun and likable.
And, then there is the music. Glee club singing Cretins are just a lot of fun to hear and see. There is also some real kick ass punk music in the soundtrack. Included is a very hilarious song that is played at the party and is basically about killing oneself. During this moment there is a very sexy lesbian dance between our two beautifully leads. Actually, this is one of my personal favorite moments in the movie; the mix of over the top humor and sexiness is just great!
In all, Return to Nuke ‘ Em High Volume 1 had me smiling from start to finish. It’s just such a fun and great time to have. By the end of the film, I was like, “You mean I have to wait till the next volume comes out next year or whenever it is that it comes out, so that we can see what happens next?! Dam’n it!” Nudity, hot lesbians, romance, humor, farts, a mutant duck, slime, gore, punk music, musical numbers, this film has all of these and more. Can you name another film that gives you all of that? No. I don’t think you could. I say see it! I’m giving Return to Nuke ‘ Em High Volume 1 my highest possible recommendation.