I tried to come up with a numerical scale of some sort for this list. But as it turns out, my brain gets a little addled when it comes to math, so I went with my guts. My disgusting, ripped-out, bloody, dripping horror guts. My horror guts tell me to go with my actual Girl Crush Feelings. In order to begin my consideration, I decided that anyone on the list would have to be someone I would actually seek out an autograph from. If the Horror Heroine makes me all…giggly, well then, she probably moves up the list. Would I try to also get a picture with her? If yes, she zooms up the list. The Horror Heroine in the top spot, the Hottest Horror Heroine, that girl: I’d do my best to buy her a drink! Now, I prefer guys as a general rule, but these 15 ladies are so hot, I had to make a list.
#15 Jenna Jameson in ‘Zombie Strippers’
I almost feel like this one doesn’t really need an explanation, since Jenna is only one of the most famous porn stars in the world. But since I’m great at explaining, I’ll indulge you. ‘Zombie Strippers’ features a performance by a very well-know porn star. Oh, you want more? Go through every single zombie movie out there. You won’t find anyone who looks hotter in zombie makeup than the lovely Jenna.
#14 Emma Stone in ‘Zombieland’
Emma lands on this list for a number of reasons. First and foremost, she’s been able to stay alive during the zombie apocalypse while most of the pretty girls around her are now feasting on the brains of their boyfriends. Smarts can be tough to come by for the Heroines of Horror, so Emma gets some bonus points for hers in ‘Zombieland’. She is a serious threat to anyone living or dead and she manages to look remarkably hot whilst stealing the weapons of the poor saps that encounter her. Not only does she consistently keep herself alive, she keeps a younger girl alive as well! In the zombie apocalypse, that’s a relatively awesome feat.
#13 Bridget Fonda in ‘Army of Darkness’
Bridget sports an…awkward…hairstyle in her all-too-brief appearance in ‘Army of Darkness’. It is a hairstyle I’m well acquainted with, as I sported it myself back in the very early 90s. Bridget wore it and appeared in one of the greatest horror movies of all time; I was a klutzy, clueless seventh grader who wore too much makeup. Why does Bridget appear on my list, given that her role is so short? Because she’s superhot! My ratings scale isn’t based on length of appearance. Plus, there’s the nice little back story of Bridget auditioning for the role of Ash’s girlfriend and getting turned down and then finally having her dream of working with Sam Raimi come true. If Bridget were ever within arms reach, I’d shove a piece of paper and a Sharpie in her hands and giggle while doing so.
#12 Kate Ashfield in ‘Shaun of the Dead’
Kate is one of our most accommodating heroines. Before the zombie apocalypse hits, she puts up with her boyfriend’s horrible best friend when he’s alive and then agrees to put up with him when he’s undead, too. So not only is she hot, with her awesome blonde haircut, she’s somewhat of a romantic. ‘Shaun of the Dead’ is populated with reluctant heroes and Kate’s role as Liz is so fun to watch. There’s a certain sweet reality to Liz that makes her completely endearing.
#11 Sigourney Weaver in ‘Alien’
Yes, I’ve heard all of the arguments that ‘Alien’ isn’t a horror movie; that it’s a sci-fi movie with horror elements. I argue that it’s a horror movie with sci-fi elements. The main reason for this argument is that an alien bursts forth from someone’s chest. If that’s not horrific, then I don’t know what it. Sigourney Weaver as Ripley gives us one of the smartest, toughest, bravest, hottest heroines across every single movie genre. She has an ethereal quality and is gorgeous without any of the usual aides like makeup or glorious costumes. She alone (well, besides Jones the cat) manages to survive that which manages to destroy everyone else.
#10 Michelle Rodriguez in ‘Resident Evil’
Michelle, my belle, indeed. Not only does Michelle Rodriguez offer up a completely sexy character in Rain Ocampo, but she’s the hottest zombie I’ve seen since Jenna back on #15. Rain gets to deliver the snarky, awesome movie lines usually reserved for the stereotypical beefcake. She takes charge, doesn’t need a fancy costume or layers of makeup. She’s a brave problem solver with moxie. Well, moxie and hotness.
#9 Milla Jovovich in ‘Resident Evil’
Milla Jovovich is basically the reason the song ‘Lady in Red’ was written. Clothed in nothing more than a skimpy red dress and a leather jacket, Milla sizzles. As Alice, we’re more than willing to follow her down the Umbrella Corporation’s virus-infested rabbit hole. Milla is a hesitant Horror Heroine. She doesn’t immediately bowl us over with her horror expertise. It’s more of a slow tease. And that is hot! Finally, the last scene in which we’re left with just Milla and her steely resolve will stay will you long after the zombie dogs stop giving you nightmares.
#8 Courteney Cox in ‘Scream’
Okay, hear me out on this one. I get that picking a ‘Friend’ probably won’t endear me to some of you, but I’ve got some solid reasons for putting Ms. Cox at number 8. ‘Scream’ has its share of Hot Heroines. The problem, though, is that most of them are just too typical. Too Basic White Girl. But Courteney, well, she goes beyond the typical stereotypes. She’s a badass in her own right, goes after what she wants and actually GETS it. She bosses people around, takes on the bad guys, takes on the GOOD guys, breaks the story and looks amazing doing it. Even streaked with blood, her hotness can’t be denied.
#7 Jamie Lee Curtis in ‘Halloween’
Miss Laurie Strode, the girl who spawned a thousand wanna-be Horror Heroines. Jamie Lee Curtis manages to be the most one of the most unassumingly hot heroines on this list. Her blue button down blouse somehow always looks exactly right and she manages to turn a knitting needle into a murder weapon. Doing so proves that she’s hot AND resourceful. Jamie gets a few extra bonus points for her appearance in Fox’s series ‘Scream Queens’ and looking as good now as she did in 1978.
#6 Janet Leigh in ‘Psycho’
Ah, Janet. The most dignified of the Scream Queens. Any list that purports to have anything to do with Hot Horror Heroines simply must feature this girl. Janet is transcendental. She is gorgeous. She dies in a way that had not been, up until Hitchcock decided to make taking a shower scary for all of eternity, shown in a wide-release movie. Sure, she might be a thief, but she is cultured and sophisticated. From her perfectly coiffed hair to her splendid makeup to her cardigan, she gives every Horror Heroine for decades to come something to aspire to. As soon as I get my Deloreon working, I fully intend to travel back in time and ask Janet for her autograph and a photo. My willingness to time travel is what bumps Janet ahead of the other ladies on this list.
#5 Ola Ray in ‘Thriller’
Yes, I know ‘Thriller’ isn’t a movie. Yes, I know that ‘Thriller’ is, in fact, a music video. But for me, and plenty of other 80s kids, it was the first time our parents allowed us to see something that fell within the horror genre. It was the first time I can remember seeing something scary and thinking “awwwwwwwesome”. 1950s Ola is gorgeous with her perfect ponytail high atop her head. She also lets out one of best screams in all of horror when Michael Jackson turns into the Wolfman. 1980s Ola totally rocks leopard print denim, which is pretty much impossible to make look good, but she pulls it off. When Ola’s smiling, this girl swoons just a little bit.
#4 Sarah Polley in ‘Dawn of the Dead’
Ana Clark didn’t mean to be a Horror Heroine. She just wanted to go to work, live in her house and be a normal suburbanite. Unfortunately for her (but fortunately for us), she becomes an exceptionally hot screen presence. She doesn’t waste time mourning or wallowing; she simply accepts her new reality and moves on with her life. With her blonde ponytail and denim jacket, she moves through the zombie apocalypse with an ease that’s hard to come by in real life, let alone with rabid, brain-hungry undead creatures chasing you. Her doe-eyed face, subtlety and ability to be gorgeous even when covered in blood lands her at number four.
#3 Heather Langenkamp ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’
I’m not going to lie. Part of the reason Heather lands at number 3 on the list is because of her spectacular, amazing 80s hair that I’ve been coveting since the very first time I managed to sneak a peek at this movie. Beyond that though, Heather gives us Nancy Thompson, one of the bravest and youngest heroines on the list. She has to battle Freddy Krueger while she’s conscious and unconscious and the adults around her are no help whatsoever. The poor girl can’t get a break and still somehow manages to be the only one who can figure out how to defeat Freddy. She does all of this while looking amazing.
#2 Naomie Harris ‘28 Days Later’
Selena, the character portrayed by the stunning Naomie Harris, quite simply, does not mess around. She is decisive, smart, strong and ridiculously hot. She seems utterly unconcerned with her appearance, which only serves to make her all the more beautiful. She’s not heartless, though. She saves Jim and does her best to protect Hannah when their captors threaten to do unspeakable things to them. She also gets points for managing to survive a zombie apocalypse that is far scarier than some of the others we’ve seen.
#1 Asia Argento ‘Land of the Dead’
We’ve arrived. The number one. The Hottest of the Hot. Miss Asia Argento. Those abs. That accent. Those fishnets. That unbridled willingness to straight up kill zombies when necessary. Asia’s Slack is just…just…SMOLDERING. Slack gets rescued and seems determined to make said rescue worth the effort. And boy, does she ever. There have been some great hooker redemption storylines in movies before, but Asia’s redemption stands heads and shoulders above the rest. I’d send this girl so many martinis…
And there you have it, my take on the 15 Hottest Horror Heroines. Regardless of whether you agree with my placements or my reasoning, anyone with a pulse would be hard-pressed to deny that they’re all, in their own special ways, hot.