Horror can be quite an aphrodisiac on a date, if used right. Michael Jackson immortalized the tried and true concept of thrilling a date right into your arms when he released Thriller to an unsuspecting audience, with the help of John Landis of course.
But there are also horror movies that can cause a date to go wrong… terribly wrong. First impressions are everything for your love life, so if you take a date to a major gore fest, chances are that the first impression you leave on your potential mate will be PTSD and she will forever associate you with the condition.
Now, most of the horror films on this list have already had their theatrical run and will not likely be coming back to theaters. So this list is a post-mortem and we want to hear from you as to whether or not you made the mistake of taking a date to see any of these horror films when they were running in theaters – or at home.
Here are 10 horror movies that you should have never taken a date to, or show a date for the first time in front of your HD television.
The Blair Witch Project
It should go without saying that The Blair Witch Project is an acquired taste and only a true horror fan will understand and appreciate the complexity of the film. It was dubbed as an “instant classic” by industry professionals and established critics in 1999.
But the context of The Blair Witch Project is more of a slow burn and many people who watched it found the first hour of the movie to be a complete snore fest, that is until the major payoff at the end. Suffice it to say that your date might be leaning over on his/her seat with her head propped up, waiting for something thrilling to happen. But when it does, it could give her the shivers for quite some time.
Dawn of the Dead
True horror fans will never pass up an opportunity to watch Dawn of the Dead, which includes the 1978 OG and the 2004 remake. There has never been quite a defining moment in gore that has been so prominently featured in pop culture. George Romero used this follow up from Night of the Living Dead to really come back at audiences and say, “Hey! I’m not done with you yet!”
But set aside your passionate affinity for horror one moment and just consider whether or not tearing the flesh of people in the realistic nature of movie magic will get you some loving later on that night. Your date might hide her eyes on your chest, but she is not likely to be in the mood for romance once it is over. Just save this movie(s) for you and your friends at a later time.
28 Days Later
For the same reason as above, 28 Days Later is definitely not a date movie. Even though the monsters were not really zombies, they were as close as human kind can get to them without it spilling over into fantasy fiction.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do I really need to give you any good reasons why this one is on the list? Not only did The Texas Chainsaw Massacre unnerve audiences to the core back in 1974, it was banned in certain countries and theaters from being shown. It was that bad, which is why we horror fans love it and why you should NEVER take a date to see it.
The Human Centipede
If you have been paying attention to anything in this article, then the reason why you should NEVER take a date to see The Human Centipede should already be at the top of your mind. Moving on.
It might sound all righteous and good fun to take date to see a horror movie named Clown, but trust me – don’t! Clown is some epic and fantastic horror from Eli Roth, but it will gross your date out to the core. Take my advice here and watch this with your horror homies, or by yourself. You’ll thank me later.
Speaking of Eli Roth, his Hostel series of films are all a fantastic torture porn romp, but there is nothing sexy about what goes down in the films. Add to the fact that these films could (and probably have) come true, the last thing you want to do is give your date the impression that you intend to sell her later on that night to sadistic capitalists. Just trust me on this one.
Since we have entered into the torture porn realm of horror, let’s just take a moment and discuss the logic of taking a date to see James Wan’s masterpiece, Saw. Yes, it was a groundbreaking horror movie. Yes, it was awesome. Yes, it was a James Wan film. But take a date to see it – hell no!
Clive Barker is very well known for his raw horror content and his affinity to prominently feature blood as a character and not just a set prop. With that in mind, his horror is legendary, his uncanny ability to unnerve an audience is unrivaled, but his ability to get you some post-film action is little to none. If you are on the fence about this one, just remember one of the final lines of the movie… “Jesus wept.”
I almost did not put Hannibal on this list, but the depraved flow of human guts and seeing Ray Liotta get fed his own brain is a bit of a turn off for a date, should you intend to see romance in your future. But this is one of those deep horror movies that require a thinking mind to really grasp the core terror of the situation, so tread lightly if you should ever opt to show this to your date in the future.
Horror Movies That Are Good For Dates:
So now that you have my list of ten no-no’s for horror movies on a date, let’s just take a look at what horror movies CAN go over well in the same situation. What you would be looking for in this category are the basic jump scares that are heavy on the fright and light on the gore.
There are several horror movies that come to mind, but a few that really stand out. That includes Halloween, Friday the 13th Part VII: Jason Lives, Scream, The Grudge, The Ring, The Lost Boys, The Conjuring, Lights Out, A Nightmare on Elm Street (tread lightly with the Johnny Depp scene), The Howling, An American Werewolf in London, Night of the Creeps, Shocker, The Amityville Horror, Annabelle and Pet Semetary.
This list is by no means exhaustive, so I want to know what you think deserves to be on it. Just leave a comment with your picks and let me know what I missed.
[Featured Image by Laurel Group Inc.]